Its been a month since I have posted anything on my blog. I wanted to write. Yes I wanted to, but the right words just never came up!
It had become difficult for me to write down my thoughts with right set of words and right mix of emotions. And if I have to blame someone, LIFE is the reason for all this. Life to me is not what I thought it was. It is beyond my imagination. The existence of struggle had shaken out my faith foundation in God. The depression had constantly hit me all over. I took a long break, went back home, looked within myself and realized that God has allowed the failures and loneliness to strike on us, because it is through our failures and sadness that draws us closer to Him spiritually..
He showed me a light of hope and here I am… Normal, sane!
Recently, my mentor (the motivation behind starting my own blog) asked me the reason for not blogging..
I was stuck.. how do I say it is my depressed state of mind! So here it went..
‘Hmm..Well.. Iv been bit busy these days…’
‘I have been working the whole day and to top it, have my dissertation report to be submitted!’
‘Oh, so you mean to say you cant even spare 5 min each day!’
SLAP!!!! THINK.. THINK.. THINK…. ! Fail……
‘Sorry… Its just been sheer ignorance. I’l make sure I’l write one soon…’
‘Yes dear, a blog is an expression of your thoughts… it hardly takes any time to write a post. And don’t worry, time will make things better. God sometimes tests the best of the students. Don’t stop blogging because it is the best medium to express yourself and whenever you write anything, you do write well!!!
I was flattered!!! Its been a long time I’ve received praises! A good word, especially in your bad time, especially from such a successful person, especially from someone outside your family, is like rejuvenation!
I sat back, promising that I will capture my thoughts, feelings and interests and share them with anybody and everybody online, whether they are interested in them or not. This blog would serve as fertile ground for my experiment in reflective practice.
What can (could) I (have) do (done) better? I can censor myself less by writing in a manner that more closely resembles my spoken voice. There is little that is not public, and maintaining a personal blog is one way to own my (virtual) identity. Restated in a positive way, I can be more authentic and self-identified.
Thank You mentor as those inspiring words were one of the reasons to bring me back to life!