Insanity flows in...

I open my eyes and then close 'em again...
and then I hope and then I open 'em again..
nah..no change..

It is said that when you are confused and unable to make a decision, close your eyes, loose yourself and let your sub-conscious decide. Now here is my question… what if my sub-conscious is in complete adherence with myself and stands with a smirk on its face and a confused emotion poking at me?

When you are going nowhere...you are going nowhere! Let alone my subconscious. Even my super-conscious is equally amused at my present state of hysteria. I know I have been asking too many questions lately but then I have never been a great preacher, just a curious soul! Do you know what’s my favorite posture? Arms wide open… looking up in the sky feeling the wind across my face..mind full of thoughts, hearing, feeling, taking deep breaths, a wry smile on the face, taking hit after hit....BLANK....absorbing what the world has to offer.

It is said that your best comes when you are at your worst, pushed against the wall.
I don't think its my worst yet...

So bite me Oh...almighty....

'coz I want to be at my best!

there goes the sanity, there goes regret...
this ain't the end...'coz I ain't smiling yet!

Right this very moment...All I want to do is:
Spread my arms...
Take a deep breath..
Close my eyes...
Float...
Not thinking...
Empty-headed...
I believe, its a momentary state of numbness...
Soaked with music...I feel like headbanging.. :)

[P.S: This is not my original piece of work. My brain is not in a state of mind to think.]

Revisiting Mumbai...

I thought I would not write about the terror attacks as so much has already been written and shown about it everywhere; it would relatively make my post less significant. However I would not have ‘felt good’ unless I posted this one!

My recent visit to Mumbai made me visit the Taj. Though I have been there numerous times, I wanted to visit it again. This may be because for reasons unknown, Mumbai has become a significant part of me! My 2-month stay here has inculcated in me a sense of belongingness for the city. As I reached South Mumbai, the desperation in me to see Taj started increasing. How would the place where I used to hang out, look like now? Is it really as burnt as shown by media? Would the birds still be chirping there? As these thoughts kept revolving in my mind, I realized I was standing besides Taj. However we were not allowed to pass through the front as the main road was blocked and the renovation work going on. Even the Gateway was closed.

I stood besides the historic monument and could not take my eyes off it. I kept thinking about bloodshed, cruel killing, guns, commandoes and what not… and was wondering what would I have done had I been at this place during the attacks!
And as I stood by the side recalling what happened, a sudden wave of terror passed within me. I started feeling so vulnerable! What if some guys come here and actually shoot me? Is my life so unpredictable? Why am I not safe in my own country?

Suddenly there were tears in my eyes, thou’ unnoticed by my friends! I wondered why one needs to kill and what is the point in killing innocent people? And the 100-odd who died - what about their families? What happens to them now? What about children who have lost their fathers and mothers? What about parents who have lost their sons and daughters? What about all those people living in the city unsure about their family, about friends, unsure about their own safety?

I thereon saw many people coming with their families to have a glimpse of the historic place. They stood besides me sipping coffee and discussing about terrific attacks. And me, still in my state of fear, started looking at people with suspicion…. How many bags is that person carrying? Who are they looking at? What are they talking about?
Random thoughts started building within me. How can people continue staying the same way? Are we ourselves responsible for the trauma we going through?

I feel miserable and extremely sad. I felt the way a child feels when her mother is not doing too good. This is the country that took care of me and kept me safe. I love her tremendously and can’t bear the pain.
I know Mumbai will bounce back to her old, raunchy, metrosexual, speed but what till then...

Dedication!

Whenever I pick up a book, I immediately turn a few pages to find those few lines that sum up whom the author deems worthy of honoring. It's such a beautiful, timeless way to thank and bless the person or people in one's life.

Though I don't have a book (maybe someday!), I do have this blog now. And like at the start of every book, I've been thinking about who deserves such a dedication especially with so much of effort being put on my part. Whom would I thank? Whom would I attribute this blog to?

The answer thou came easily….

There can be none other than my parents who have shaped me more than any other so far.

So here is my dedication:

All that I am or ever hope to be,
I owe to my loving parents!

My parents have been the strongest influence on me. But often I leave my appreciation and love unspoken. I take this chance to thank them for the affection and care they showered on me. It is because of their caring and nurturing that I am what I am today.
I owe all my life to them and I pray to God to bless them with good health!

Mom, Dad -- I love you and miss you!

Peer Pressure!!

After putting in much thought because of peer pressure, I finally decided to start a blog of my own. Being an MBA student, it is a disgrace not to be involved in a social networking tool. Just about everywhere we look these days, social networking sites envelope us. As a matter of fact they slowly choke us to death or at least that is how it feels with the burden of having to join this and that site. If you don’t twitter, you are simply not cool these days.

Friends, don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming anyone here or pointing fingers. I am not anti-social but have pretty good reasons for not starting a blog. But today, like on most of other occasions, I am just FOLLOWING THE CROWD....

1. I have hardly any time. Though that’s not true these days but I still have other better things to do: Sleep, watch movies, scratch my head on puzzles, play games etc. Maintaining a blog wouldn’t help me manage my time better.
2. Being an enthusiastic management student, I am a voracious reader but am hardly ever satisfied with the quality of my writing. This habit of mine very often refrains me from publishing my writing. I mean why would you want to publish online something that you don’t even like?
3. If I manage to ever write something that I am satisfied with, wouldn’t I rather give it to a newspaper or magazine? That way the piece would get more publicity and I would get some money.
4. I can talk. I seriously wouldn’t need to write a blog to express myself.
5. The laptop isn’t reliable, at all. The other day, after typing up a whole mail, I accidentally shut it without saving. At least what I write on paper cannot be erased in a single click of the hand. Now, I am typing this thing in Microsoft word and transferring it to the blog- what fun!

Despite the fact that I have a number of reasons why I shouldn’t blog, I like the way my friends put it- a blog is like your email to the world. I’ve come up with a number of topics I’d like to write about. I will write, in the close future. At least I’ll try. If you see a new post on my blog by next week, assume that I had the time and the will. If not, … well, I will write.

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!